he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
