farters have to be the big spoon...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
