When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
they're like a gay fantastic four
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
