Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
