How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
