I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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