yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
