Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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