is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
