non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
