I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
