Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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