he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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