Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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