cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
