I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
