Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
