Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
