I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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