Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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