if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am naked and annoyed.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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