I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
