totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
