well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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