At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
