I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
