Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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