I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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