He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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