All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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