I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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