Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
