O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
