is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
