paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Duck Duck Cougar?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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