See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
