he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
