idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
