woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
