Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
