i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
