I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
