I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
