I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
