so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
