If that was your dad, he is hot
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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