I just saw a hot homeless man
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
