Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
