peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think I won the penis lottery.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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