Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
