a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
