I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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