Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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