I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
