Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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