she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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