Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
