what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
