my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
