i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she looked like the before picture.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
