Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
