Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
