Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
