Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
