Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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