marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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