we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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