The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
