There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
