You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
